With just five words, a response on an online dating site crushed a woman’s self-doubt and reaffirmed her values.
She was vulnerable with her ‘new guy’
Felicia Naoum was chatting with a new guy on an online dating platform when she decided to give him a heads up that she’s “a bigger girl.”
“Let’s remember: I’m the girl who writes about body positivity. I’m the girl who tells you not to feel ashamed of your size. Yet, I’m not always the girl who is there herself,” she wrote on Facebook in a post shared to Love What Matters. “I have moments where I’m not in alignment with my own written words. I’m human. I’m as much the reader on the other end looking for familiarity as I am the writer on the front end trying to give it.”
In her vulnerability, Naoum was prepared for any response — but what the guy ended up responding completely floored her.
“So after informing this new prospect about me being a bigger girl, he responded with a short phrase of words that shook my soul enough to make me write this. His words moved me. His words, so profound, will probably live in the category of ‘what/who changed my life.’ And never die.”
“I’m a bigger girl,” read her message.
His response was:
“A girl is a girl.”
Why 5 words had such an impact
Noaum felt completely seen by the man’s response.
“Yes. Yes. And YES. This man, from internet land, just stripped away stigma with his phrase. He stripped away insecurity with his phrase. He stripped away doubt with his phrase. And he did all of that while telling me, and now you, to not lessen your own credibility in just five words,” she wrote. “I don’t know if we’ll ever become anything more than just two strangers who exchanged words the 21st century way. But I do know one thing: I will never forget him.”
As a writer herself, Noaum says she understands the power of words to help you see something clearly — and that’s exactly what happened here.
“Yes, new guy, a girl is a girl. Thank you for telling me something I’ve forgotten. Or may have never known. Thank you for filling me with confidence in a world that loves to fill me with uncertainty because I don’t fit a standard,” she wrote. “In just one text, you taught me, again, that a girl isn’t her size. A girl isn’t her shortcomings. A girl isn’t her doubts. A girl isn’t what they say she is. A girl isn’t defined by societal standards. A girl isn’t here to remind you of who she is not — not a thin girl, but a big girl. Not a thick girl, but a skinny girl. And, that a girl isn’t supposed to carry the loads from the insecure voices who once dumped their loads on to her.”
“A girl is a girl. Period.”
While the words were impactful on their own, Naoum felt the need to expand on them for others who are self-conscious about their appearance.
“There’s no ‘but, I’m bigger.’ There’s no ‘but, I’m skinny.’ There’s no ‘but, I’m too tall.’ There’s just you and me, girls, in all that we are wrapped into a girl. No explanations. No lightening the blow. As if there is even a blow to lighten. Just us. Girls. Beautiful girls.”
The beautiful simplicity of kindness
We never really know what someone is going through, especially through the veil of online dating, so it’s best to always be kind and respectful. Naoum’s post proves how important that really is.
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